Category Archives: FUNNY POEMS

Art Quote of the Day

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Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.
Vincent Van Gogh

Funny Quote of the Day

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I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
Johnny Carson

I bring my lunch to school

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Mine eyes have seen the kitchen,
which is why I bring my lunch.
I have smelled the things they’re cooking,
and they’re toxic, I’ve a hunch.
And the salads are so soggy that
you’ll never hear a crunch.
I bring my lunch to school!

I can’t stand the food they serve me!
I can’t stand the food they serve me!
I can’t stand the food they serve me!
I bring my lunch to school!

They torture nose and taste buds
with both hamburger and spuds.
There are meatballs in a gravy that’s
like iridescent mud.
Mashed potatoes hit both tray and stomach
with a sick’ning thud.
I bring my lunch to school!

It’s amazin’ when a raisin
starts to crawl across your cake;
that was when I first decided
the dessert was a mistake.
And I wouldn’t like to guess what’s
floating in that chocolate shake.
I bring my lunch to school!

 

Text © Bruce Lansky

Funny poems

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‘If at first you don’t succeed’,
Said Robert the Bruce the King.
If at first you don’t succeed,
Then you shouldn’t try skydiving.

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A tutu’s
A skirt
For girls who do twirls

A toucan’s
A bird
Who shouts about stout

The can can’s
A dance
All frills and cheap thrills

A tin can
Contains
Baked beans or sardines

And Tintin’s
Plainly
A defective detective.

TONGUE TWISTERS

 

A big bug bit the little beetle but the little beetle bit the big bug back.

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If you understand, say “understand”.
If you don’t understand, say “don’t understand”.
But if you understand and say “don’t understand”.
How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

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I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn’t have thought so much.

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SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE ,
BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS,
ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES 
 

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If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors?

Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors? 

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Daddy Fell into the pond!

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Famous Funny Poem by Alfred Noyes

Everyone grumbled. The sky was grey.
We had nothing to do and nothing to say.
We were nearing the end of a dismal day,
And then there seemed to be nothing beyond,
Then
Daddy fell into the pond!

And everyone’s face grew merry and bright,
And Timothy danced for sheer delight.
“Give me the camera, quick, oh quick!
He’s crawling out of the duckweed!” Click!

Then the gardener suddenly slapped his knee,
And doubled up, shaking silently,
And the ducks all quacked as if they were daft,
And it sounded as if the old drake laughed.
Oh, there wasn’t a thing that didn’t respond
When
Daddy Fell into the pond!

FUNNY LIMERICKS

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A limerick fan from Australia

regarded his work as a failure:

his verses were fine

until the fourth line

?

 

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A gourmet dining at Crewe

Found a rather large mouse in his stew.

     Said the waiter, “Don’t shout

     And wave it about,

Or the rest will be wanting one, too.”

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Said an ape as he swung by his tail,

To his offspring both female and male,

  “From your offspring, my dears,

  In a couple of years,

May evolve a professor at Yale.”

 

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There was a young lady named Rose

Who had a large wart on her nose.

  When she had it removed

  Her appearance improved,

But her glasses slipped down to her toes.
 

 

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An elderly man called Keith

Mislaid his set of false teeth -

  They’d been laid on a chair,

He’d forgot they were there,

Sat down, and was bitten beneath.

 

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